The Obligatory Republican National Convention Review

I don’t know whose big idea it was, but there is going to be another convention by a major American political party this week.  It will be The Democratic National Convention and it is being held in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love and the city that boos Santa Claus.

Last week, The Republican National Convention was held in Cleveland, Ohio and it got off to a rocky start when Donald “J” Trump’s wife, Natasha, gave a speech in what appeared to be English.

She said, “Four score and seven years ago…” which led people to think that she “plagiarized” Michelle Obama’s 2008 speech at The Democratic National Convention.

Actually, no disrespect to The First Lady, but I have a hard time not believing there weren’t some shenanigans going on behind the scenes.

For one thing, you would really have to listen very carefully to Mrs. Trump to understand what she was saying.

Secondly, I can’t believe anyone listening to that speech would have said, “Wait a second, that sounds just like what Michelle Obama said in 2008”.  I wasn’t aware The First Lady owned the copyright to the phrase, “Your word is your bond”.

On the next night, began the parade of Trump kids, which is supposed to show that even though he is a horn dog of the highest rank, he did a good job with his kids. Hey, they could have been Kardashians.  To me, the Trump kids seemed okay, but I guess when daddy is a billionaire, you don’t miss mommy so much.

On Wednesday night, Ted Cruz spoke and did not “endorse” Trump, even though Cruz signed a pledge promising to endorse the eventual nominee of the party last August. To be fair, there were a couple of complications.  Trump called Cruz’s wife “ugly” and said his father was involved in either the Kennedy or McKinley assignations, if not both.

The lack of endorsement was pronounced as “political suicide” by all my buddies on talk radio, who for the most part were strangely silent on Trump’s comments about Cruz’s wife and his father, which, let’s face it, are ape crap crazy.

Cruz’s non-endorsement overshadowed the speech of the night by Trump’s running mate, Race Bannon.  Sorry, Trump’s running mate is Mike “Mike” Pence, the governor of Indiana. Pence’s speech brought the convention to its feet when he said, “What have we done? Oh well, we’ve got to vote for him or we get four years of the She-beast in a pant suit!”

Donald Trump’s Running Mate

The final night of the convention, Trump gave his acceptance speech.

His main theme:  Everybody is stupid except me.

His secondary theme: I am not Hillary Clinton

Assorted other themes: I will make good trade deals with “Chyna” because I am really really smart. Hillary Clinton is really bad. You don’t have a voice but I hear you and I will be your voice. Ted Cruz’s dad shot President Lincoln.  My hotels give you first class service, all the way. Hillary Clinton is a psycho-hag.  Everybody is bought and paid for except me because I am rich. Anybody seen Jeb Bush lately? Great guy but low energy. How about ‘Lil’ Marco?

The reactions to Trump’s speech varied. Republicans said it was a “great” speech. The New York Times called it “dark” but to be fair, The New York Times has called every Republican speech since 1952 as “dark”. Others called it “dire”, “depressing”, and my favorite : “dystopian”, which is evidently the college word of the day.

This week, The Democrats respond. Hillary Clinton selected Sen Tim Kaine to be her running mate. He seems okay, unlike the last man she selected.

The First Man She Selected

Not much is really known about Kaine except he speaks Spanish. George W. Bush spoke Spanish too,  just saying.

Next Week: The Democratic National Convention Review.